Jokes (Adult Content)

[Dattodevil]

Cure!

· Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
· Do you suffer from shyness?
· Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine.

However, White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine.

However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNING:

1. The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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2. The consumption of White Wine is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
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3. The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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4. The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing.
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5. The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
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6. The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
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7. The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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8. The consumption of White Wine may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH RED WINE!

[Bartman]

Three weeks ago I drank a bottle of each on a tuesday night. I haven't drank wine since.

[Bartman]

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a
well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes
of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered
vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded
to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed
wide open.

'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen
my demonstration.'

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.

'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure
from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'

I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a F*cking good appetite,
because they cut off my electricity this morning.

What part of 'broke' do you not understand?'

[_Jake]

At the Welfare Office...

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check He marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The social worker behind the counter said, 'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive.

A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.'

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshittin' me!'

The social worker said, 'Yeah, well .. . You started it.'

[Rusty]

a cunt walks in to the toilet and walks up to the urinal next to a big black cunt and a white cunt. the white cunt has nicotene patch on his neck the cunt says whats that for the white cunt says im tryna give up smoking. so the cunt flops it out and starts pissing. the black cunt looks over and sees the cunts got a patch on his cock. the black cunt asks why the cunt says im tryna give up butts!

[nick_m]

What do nine out of ten people enjoy?


Gang rape

[Bartman]

Whats the hardest part about raping a deaf chick?

Breaking her fingers so she can't tell anyone!

[brocky41]

Don't say this to a cop

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

[_Jake]

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

[datsunboy]

A Frenchman, an Italian, and an Australian were all sitting around having some drinks, talking about pleasuring thier wives.....

the frenchman said, "When I make love to my wife, I'm so good, that she levitates an Inch off the bed!"

the Italian said, "Thats nothing!, When I make love to my wife, I'm so good, that she levitates a Foot off the bed!"

the Australian said, "You guys are losers, after I make love to my wife, I wipe my cock on the curtains, and she hits the fucking roof!"